Month: May 2023

Memorial Day

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment
Photo by Robert Lindner on Unsplash

Today is Memorial Day. For many families it is just a weekend to mark the start of summer–a time for fun, picnics, parades, and more. While many of us celebrate with family and friends, families of those who have lost their lives in service to our country are still grieving and missing the ones they loved.

One of the sons of my long-time friends was stationed in Afghanistan several years ago. He loved being a Marine and he was Special Ops, not a position to be taken lightly! While in the middle of a mission his truck hit an IED. He was the lone survivor. His friends lost their lives that day, and he has been haunted by the survivor’s guilt and memories ever since. A severe concussion, sensitivity to light, balance issues, PTSD; all of it combined to render him unable to do his job any longer. With a medical discharge, he is permanently disabled, but you would never know it if you just sat down and had a conversation.

But he would tell you that today is not about him. It is about the men who were serving with him who paid the ultimate price for helping provide freedom from tyranny.

My brother-in-law, who was a medic in Vietnam (he was nicknamed “Doc”), would also tell you that today is about the many whose lives were lost during that conflict.

Yes, we honor our veterans. And Veterans Day is a wonderful opportunity to do that. But today, we stand and salute the ones who lost their lives during WWII, the Korean War, Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq. May God bless the families who are haunted with the memories of a child, a husband, a wife, a brother or a sister who did not come home.

Memorial Day – a day to honor those who have given their lives for our freedom. We remember and honor them today.

What I Wish I Knew when I Graduated

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

I was privileged to attend my oldest granddaughter’s high school graduation this past week. There were so many things I would love to tell her about the times to come, but some of them she will just need to learn on her own. That is how wisdom is gained. However, I decided to write a letter here with the top ten things I want her to know about life.

To My Dear Granddaughter,

I have watched as you have grown from an imaginative and spunky little girl, into a kind, thoughtful, and beautiful young woman. You make people feel good just by being around you. I love that about you. Your life is just beginning and you will have many opportunities to choose the path you will follow. Choose wisely.

When I look back to my time in college and afterwards, there are many things that I wish I had known. I think sometimes I just had to learn the hard way, but I hope that you are wise enough to listen to the lessons others can give you. So here are some things I think may be helpful on your life journey.

  1. Always keep God first. There will be many times in your life that you will be tempted to forget all about God. There will also be times that you look at organized religions and are disappointed at the disparities your see. Instead look at the life of Christ. See his actions and listen to his words. Because they will give you a life worth living. Jesus cared about truth and justice. He cared about the poor and disenfranchised. His ministry broke racial (the Samaritan woman) and gender boundaries (Mary Magdalene was one of the disciples that traveled with their group). Love God. Love your neighbor.
  2. Establish boundaries in your life and learn to graciously say no. Decide what and who is important to you. But even those you love sometimes need boundaries. I recommend the book by Lysa Terkeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. Sometimes it is hard to set boundaries and say no, but for your peace of mind there will be times it is necessary in your life.
  3. Always keep a sense of humor. Be able to laugh at yourself. Laugh with others (not at them) and remember that joy is a gift from God. It is well-known that laughter really is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”
  4. Choose your friends wisely. I still have good friends that I made in college. It is important when you are choosing the people you are hanging out with, that you are sure they are the kind of people you need in your life. Good friends build you up, they don’t tear you down. Good friends are encouraging, they are not negative all the time. Good friends can tell you the truth in a loving and kind way. Good friends don’t gossip and backstab. Good friends share your laughter, you tears, your joys and your sorrows. Choose wisely.
  5. Don’t be afraid to try new things. I always tended to let the “what ifs” discourage me from trying something new. Yet, I found that it is sometimes better to try and fail, than to not try at all. And when you try and soar, it is all worth it.
  6. Choose a vision statement. Think about what you want out of life. Write it down. Figure out what you need to get there. Then go for it. Through different stages of your life, that vision may change, but always keep a vision of where you want to go written down where you will see it frequently.
  7. Don’t let failure define you. Everybody fails at something. I could make a whole list of people who have failed at something– people like Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein. Every time you fail, look at it as an opportunity to learn.
  8. Become a well-rounded person. Read books. Watch documentaries. Learn a foreign language. Take piano lessons or cooking lessons or Taekwondo or a painting class (you get the picture). Learning new skills is good for the soul.
  9. Develop the art of listening. Listening to someone’s story gives you great insight into their personality. Sometimes even the person who drives you crazy has a story that leads you to greater understanding of why they are the way they are. Everyone wants and needs someone to listen to them. (Granted there are some people who you really want to turn the stop button on.) But listening will help you become a better friend, mentor, and teacher for others.
  10. Love yourself. Second to loving God, I think the most important thing I can tell you is to LOVE YOURSELF. It is so easy in this media saturated world to make comparisons. You are unique and there is only one you. We can always stretch and grow, but learn to love yourself the way you love others. Stop the negative self-talk and instead give yourself some positive self-talk: I am kind. I am a good friend. I am empathetic. You are worthy of being loved.

There are so many things learned in life. Some of them are painful, like a first heartbreak. But some of them are wonderful opportunities that enhance your life. Just remember that you are surrounded by people who love you and care about you. When life gets overwhelming sometimes, just pick up the phone and talk (I know you prefer texting). I promise, I will listen.

You have had a piece of my heart since the first time I held you in my arms. I wish only the best for you as you journey through this thing we call life. I love you, Nana

When the News Is Good or Bad

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 2 Comments

Yesterday was an emotionally challenging day for me. As I woke up anxiety surrounded me. My heart beat faster, my thoughts raced, and even though I kept telling myself, “God has you in his hands” my anxiety level soared.

Then I got on Facebook. And guess what? God even uses Facebook posts to send me reassurance that he loves me and cares about my challenges. First, I read some scripture someone posted about God’s presence. Then a friend of mine posted a skit. The skit was about the very issue I was facing and even more amazing, one of the key players, Mrs. Linda, shared my name.

Then one of my friends posted a podcast where her husband was the keynote speaker for a fundraising event at a hospital. He related his journey and how God put him in the path of people who were just what he needed. He shared how God was with him every step of the way.

After hearing his story, I bowed my head and prayed, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I asked God to reassure me that no matter what the outcome of this visit, I would use it to glorify him and share his blessings with others. I surrendered my heart (which I seem to find myself needing to do on a frequent basis) and my health to God during that conversation. I had a sense of peace and knew that God’s presence was surrounding me. My anxious heart was beating normally and my thoughts focused more on God, who knows my every need and loves me with a great depth of love. God got my attention and reassured me that all my cares could be cast on him.

My daughter picked me up and as we drove to the doctor’s office, I sensed God’s presence with me even as we discussed the possible scenarios that may be before me. As I talked with her, I replayed in my mind the months that had led up to this day, including the hospitalization that resulted in a CT scan of the abdomen, which surprisingly showed a spot on the left lower lobe in my lung. This was followed by a regular CT scan a couple of weeks later, and then a wait of a month just in case it was an infection that needed to clear up. Then another CT scan with contrast followed. Then came the recommended PET scan. The PET scan came back with some red highlights.

By this time, a lot of options had been discussed and my doctor felt strongly that I needed a biopsy done. As he discussed the one-inch mass with irregular borders, I followed along in my mind. I knew he was convinced it was the dreaded word–CANCER. By this time it was a primary concern for me also. Because of the location, my only option was to have needle biopsy. The radiologist, too, felt we were dealing with possible cancer. Lung cancer. I never smoked. How could this be happening?

As the day of the biopsy came, my sister (who is a nurse) accompanied me to the hospital. I survived the procedure despite my rising anxiety levels, and then the waiting began. In the scheme of things, five days is not long. But when you are waiting for what could be life-changing news, it seems like forever.

As my daughter and I waited for the doctor to enter the room, I actually felt much calmer than I thought I would be. It helped that my 3-month-old grandson was with us and we watched as he cooed and smiled. The doctor greeted us and then sat down at his desk. He pulled up my files and reassured me that he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing anything as he reviewed the results.

Then I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “It’s not cancer.” I could have danced around the desk and hugged him, but I managed to restrain myself. Even though I had given it to God and asked him to use me no matter what, I really was relieved that the “what” wasn’t cancer.

The doctor told me that he had been certain it was cancer and he was relieved to tell me it wasn’t. What I do have is treatable and in actuality, I had the same thing in 2015 (only then I was very sick with it). So I am extremely grateful that I have been down this road before and know how we need to proceed.

But I got to thinking about this. Would I still have praised God if it had been cancer? Would I still have had peace and put it all in his hands. I like to think I would. God is good (and he would have remained good even if it was cancer). He answered a lot of prayers that have been going up on my behalf. He led me on a journey that deepened my trust in him and made me treasure life even more.

I know there are some of you reading this who did not get the good news that it wasn’t cancer. You may be on a journey that is difficult and long. But in the midst of it all, God is there. He knows your burdens and trusting in him makes all the difference in the world. As my friend, Don Sigler, said when he had cancer, “I am in a win/win situation. I win if I overcome cancer, and I win if I die, because I will be with the Lord.” His win was to be with the Lord and cancer free forever.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” I pray that I will always know the joy of the Lord, even if it is in difficult circumstances because I am in a win/win situation.