kindness

Volunteering and the Helper’s High

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

I have been sick with pneumonia for four weeks now and am finally on the tail end of it. One of the things that I have missed while ill, are my opportunities to volunteer. I volunteer to help the children’s minister at church every Wednesday. I also teach my home team on Thursday evening. I have missed doing that. While I was pondering my feelings about volunteering, I realized that I feel better when I help others.

Photo by TopSphere Media on Unsplash

Did you know that there is a term out there called “helper’s high?” If it is on Google, it must be true. Right? But seriously, my point is that it is scientifically proven that when we volunteer our time and serve others there are multiple benefits. Not only do we help where we are serving, but in the same way as expressing gratitude, volunteering is proven to improve your life. Here are a few of the benefits.

1. Volunteering helps lessen negative emotions. According to Meal Train, an organization that provides a template for providing meals for those in need, “Helping others can counteract the impacts of stress, anger, and anxiety. It can also boost your self-confidence and decrease feelings of loneliness. You may not think of these experiences as opportunities to fight mental illness, but a helper’s high functions that way.” Basically, acts of kindness lower stress levels. Lowering stress levels is healthy for your heart, your blood pressure, and your immunity.

2. Volunteering helps us increase our longevity. Now I do not volunteer just to live longer. But seriously, statistics show that older adults who volunteer have a 24 percent less risk of early death.  According to the National Christian Foundation in an article on 5 Reasons Volunteering Is Good for You, it says “Recent research shows that those who volunteer get a longevity boost akin to the effects of adding multiple rounds of fruits and veggies to your diet every day and older adults who volunteer are at 24% less risk of early death.”  (However, this does not mean you can give up eating fruits and veggies!) Adults over 55 who volunteer experience less cognitive decline leading to dementia also.

3. Volunteering helps us stave off depression. According to Dr. Susan Albers, a psychologist for Cleveland Clinic. “Studies have indicated that volunteering is great for your mental health. It has been shown to decrease stress levels, depression, anxiety and boost your overall health and satisfaction with life.” It helps your brain release serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins—all of which increase your overall sense of well-being. By focusing on helping others, you are also helping yourself.

4. Helping others changes our perspective on life. It allows seeing life from a broader perspective. Frequently when volunteering we encounter individuals who remind us that the world is much bigger than our narrow community. Volunteering to serve in short-term mission trips, sorting or handing out food from food pantries, visiting individuals in nursing homes, participating in work days in inner cities, etc. all give us a glimpse of life from someone else’s viewpoint. It stretches our comfort zones and helps us realize that we need to be aware of issues in the world around us.

5. Volunteering provides you with a sense of purpose. As Christians, we have an obligation to help others, but sometimes we lose our way a little. Hebrews 13:16 says, “Don’t forget to do good and to share what you have because God is pleased with these kinds of sacrifices.” By helping others, we share the love of Christ. We see throughout the Bible that God cares for the poor, the widows, the downcast, and the ill.  If we take our love for Christ seriously, we develop a sense of purpose for our lives—and not only is that sharing God’s love—it is also putting feet to the commands he has given us to love others.

There are so many additional benefits to volunteering–finding new friends, learning new skills, networking for jobs, reducing loneliness and more.

It is no wonder I missed volunteering while I was sick. I missed the interaction with others. I missed feeling like I was helping someone. I missed building those endorphins. As a retired person, I realize I have more opportunities to volunteer than I did when I worked full-time and raised a family, but no matter where you are in life, volunteering is one of the best things you can do for yourself and others.

Galatians 6:2  “Carry each other’s burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Proverbs 11:25  “Generous persons will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”

Acts 20:35 “In everything I have shown you that, by working hard, we must help the weak. In this way we remember the Lord Jesus’ words: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.'”

1 Thessalonians 5:11  “So continue encouraging each other and building each other up, just like you are doing already.”

Galatians 6:9  “Let’s not get tired of doing good, because in time we’ll have a harvest if we don’t give up.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11  “So continue encouraging each other and building each other up, just like you are doing already.”

Acts 20:35   “In everything I have shown you that, by working hard, we must help the weak. In this way we remember the Lord Jesus’ words: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.'”

What I Wish I Knew when I Graduated

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

I was privileged to attend my oldest granddaughter’s high school graduation this past week. There were so many things I would love to tell her about the times to come, but some of them she will just need to learn on her own. That is how wisdom is gained. However, I decided to write a letter here with the top ten things I want her to know about life.

To My Dear Granddaughter,

I have watched as you have grown from an imaginative and spunky little girl, into a kind, thoughtful, and beautiful young woman. You make people feel good just by being around you. I love that about you. Your life is just beginning and you will have many opportunities to choose the path you will follow. Choose wisely.

When I look back to my time in college and afterwards, there are many things that I wish I had known. I think sometimes I just had to learn the hard way, but I hope that you are wise enough to listen to the lessons others can give you. So here are some things I think may be helpful on your life journey.

  1. Always keep God first. There will be many times in your life that you will be tempted to forget all about God. There will also be times that you look at organized religions and are disappointed at the disparities your see. Instead look at the life of Christ. See his actions and listen to his words. Because they will give you a life worth living. Jesus cared about truth and justice. He cared about the poor and disenfranchised. His ministry broke racial (the Samaritan woman) and gender boundaries (Mary Magdalene was one of the disciples that traveled with their group). Love God. Love your neighbor.
  2. Establish boundaries in your life and learn to graciously say no. Decide what and who is important to you. But even those you love sometimes need boundaries. I recommend the book by Lysa Terkeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. Sometimes it is hard to set boundaries and say no, but for your peace of mind there will be times it is necessary in your life.
  3. Always keep a sense of humor. Be able to laugh at yourself. Laugh with others (not at them) and remember that joy is a gift from God. It is well-known that laughter really is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”
  4. Choose your friends wisely. I still have good friends that I made in college. It is important when you are choosing the people you are hanging out with, that you are sure they are the kind of people you need in your life. Good friends build you up, they don’t tear you down. Good friends are encouraging, they are not negative all the time. Good friends can tell you the truth in a loving and kind way. Good friends don’t gossip and backstab. Good friends share your laughter, you tears, your joys and your sorrows. Choose wisely.
  5. Don’t be afraid to try new things. I always tended to let the “what ifs” discourage me from trying something new. Yet, I found that it is sometimes better to try and fail, than to not try at all. And when you try and soar, it is all worth it.
  6. Choose a vision statement. Think about what you want out of life. Write it down. Figure out what you need to get there. Then go for it. Through different stages of your life, that vision may change, but always keep a vision of where you want to go written down where you will see it frequently.
  7. Don’t let failure define you. Everybody fails at something. I could make a whole list of people who have failed at something– people like Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein. Every time you fail, look at it as an opportunity to learn.
  8. Become a well-rounded person. Read books. Watch documentaries. Learn a foreign language. Take piano lessons or cooking lessons or Taekwondo or a painting class (you get the picture). Learning new skills is good for the soul.
  9. Develop the art of listening. Listening to someone’s story gives you great insight into their personality. Sometimes even the person who drives you crazy has a story that leads you to greater understanding of why they are the way they are. Everyone wants and needs someone to listen to them. (Granted there are some people who you really want to turn the stop button on.) But listening will help you become a better friend, mentor, and teacher for others.
  10. Love yourself. Second to loving God, I think the most important thing I can tell you is to LOVE YOURSELF. It is so easy in this media saturated world to make comparisons. You are unique and there is only one you. We can always stretch and grow, but learn to love yourself the way you love others. Stop the negative self-talk and instead give yourself some positive self-talk: I am kind. I am a good friend. I am empathetic. You are worthy of being loved.

There are so many things learned in life. Some of them are painful, like a first heartbreak. But some of them are wonderful opportunities that enhance your life. Just remember that you are surrounded by people who love you and care about you. When life gets overwhelming sometimes, just pick up the phone and talk (I know you prefer texting). I promise, I will listen.

You have had a piece of my heart since the first time I held you in my arms. I wish only the best for you as you journey through this thing we call life. I love you, Nana

Spewing Is a Nasty Thing

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

When my oldest son was about three-months-old, we decided to go on a three hour trip to my brother’s house. We were only about thirty minutes into the trip when I heard my son throwing up. I am going to be graphic here for a reason. By throwing up, I mean literal projectile vomit spewing from his mouth hard enough to hit the seat he was facing. Needless to say, it was horrifying to watch my little baby throw up in such a way. I knew something had to be drastically wrong. (It turns out that he experienced motion sickness, which explained why I never could rock him to sleep without him crying harder!)

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Today I experienced something just as horrifying as watching my little boy spewing vomit. I opened up my Twitter. As I read I was appalled at all of the hate and vitriol literally spewing out of the mouths of most of the people on there. The right wing, the left wing, the LGBTQ, the anti-LGBTQ, the politics, the hate for Trump, the hate for Biden. I was sick to my stomach and closed my phone after 10 minutes of reading. All I really wanted to do was look up the people I follow, and yet I was caught up in reading comments I never should have started reading.

I understand that in America we have some significant divides and ideologies. I worry for the state of America and my heart is saddened for the people who continue to propagate all the hatred. I fear for where America is headed.

However, as a Christian, I need to realize that no matter what happens here on earth, God is ultimately the one we will answer to for our behavior. What he has asked of me is that I love the Lord, my God, with all of my heart. Then he has asked that I love my neighbor. He did not say, “Love your neighbor if he thinks the same way you think.” He did not say, “Love your neighbor unless he is a sinner.” (We all are.) He did not say, “Love your neighbor only under certain circumstances.”

He said, “Love. Your. Neighbor.” I know it is easier said than done. Loving someone does not mean condoning their lifestyle and choices. It does mean showing them kindness, goodness, and the light that Christ brings in your life. It means trying to develop a relationship of respect so that you open the doors to have candid conversations. It means listening to them and understanding what has shaped their lives. It sometimes means inconvenience and messiness and hurt.

Frankly, there will be times you will need to walk away. But walk away with dignity instead of hurtful words, slurs, and hatred in your heart. Those things will never lead someone to the Lord. But your gracious words, your humble heart, and your prayers for someone will yield far more positive results than vindictive and hateful words and actions.

Spewing. It is distasteful, no matter where it is coming from. It is time to start loving God and then loving your neighbor in such a way that you are a light to the world around you–no matter how dark it seems.

©Lindadelaywallace.com 2023

Seventy Lessons for 70 years

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 1 Comment

Today I will have reached another decade. When I was younger, I can remember thinking that 70 was ancient! And here I am. I have learned so much through my years and often think it is such a shame that it takes a lifetime to gain wisdom. If only I had known these things when I was younger. So, I want to share 70 lessons I have learned through the years (in no particular order). Not everything was learned from personal experience . . . well, maybe some of them were.

Find joy in life

1. Despite my brother thinking my mom had a hard time delivering me because I would not put the book away, I really did not come out reading. Learn to read.

Me and my chubby cheeks.

2. People say, “I could just squeeze those cute little cheeks,” DON’T.

3. Spiders are creepy, crawly, things.

4.  Volunteer to catch grasshoppers for your uncles to use as bait for fishing. They may pay you a penny each.

5. Every 5-year-old covers their face for pictures. Just roll with it.

6. See Dick and Jane run really was a thing. Just change the names and ask my siblings what happened when someone yelled, “Snake.”

7. Some people move a lot. Just learn to roll with it.

8. No, butter really does not make a sunburn better. Use sunscreen and avoid skin cancer.

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We Too

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

I just finished reading Mary Demuth’s book We Too, to help gather some insight for the fiction book I am writing. In my book the main character was sexually abused by her youth minister when she was in high school. While my book is fiction, the fact is there is more sexual abuse being covered up in the church than one can even imagine. If you happen to be familiar with the work of Julie Roys, Boz Tchividjian, Rachel Denhollander, or Mary DeMuth, you will be given some insights into the need for the church to be transparent about sexual abuse and how it is handled.

Little did I realize that Me Too was more than just a book to help me understand the need for the church to respond in an appropriate way, but it was also a book that was painful to read based on my own personal experience and years of working with women in the church.

In my roles in both youth ministry and women’s ministry I have heard heartbreaking stories of women and children abused by the ones who were supposed to be safe and care for them. From the misuse by fathers and stepfathers, to date rape, to clerical sexual abuse, to stalking, and more, it never seems to stop. Not just women, but men (especially young boys) are the target for increasingly common sexual abuse. We are living in a culture where sin abounds and Satan has a special fondness for sexual abuse. All we need to do is look at the pornography statistics and at the number of trafficked individuals that is on the rise.

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How Should We Love?

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

In the book of Acts we see the infancy of the church. As we read we find that as early as the third chapter of Acts, the body of believers was established after Peter addressed the crowd on the day of Pentecost. In Acts 3:42-47 we see the response of the believers, who devoted themselves to the teaching of Christ and to fellowship with one another. Some of the highlights of this passage: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship”, “selling their possession and goods, they gave to anyone who had need,” and “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

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The Little Yellow House

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 5 Comments

One of my favorite aunts passed away yesterday (dare I say my favorite?). I only have two aunts left out of 14 originally. She was kind and compassionate, hospitable, and patient. She was generous with her love. And even though she had bright red hair, she did not have the temper that is such a stereotype for redheads! Although I do have to say I saw her aggravated occasionally, usually with my uncle. But it must not have been too bad because they were married over 65 years.

I have lots of fond memories of spending time at her little yellow house that was truly a home. I loved her green Fiesta Ware dishes that were square instead of round. I enjoyed eating her “cheesecake.” It was not until later that I learned it technically was pineapple fluff, not a true cheesecake. But it did have a graham cracker crust and cream cheese in it.

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A Day of Disappointments

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 1 Comment
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

Recently I had one of those days. You know the kind. The kind where nothing has gone the way you planned–where because of Covid, you had to cancel an activity you were looking forward to, where something broke and you need to decide if you will replace it or fix it, where a friend found out they had cancer. Those are the kind of days a lot of people experience.

My list of disappointments can go on and on. However this is the thing–all of us can find all kinds of things to be disappointed about in life. And dwelling on our disappointments just magnifies feelings of anger, frustration, worthlessness, and bitterness.

The good news is that life’s disappointments do not define us and cannot defeat us if we hold strong to some tools for overcoming disappointments. One of my favorite verses is found in Philippians 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

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Tell Me Something Good

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 1 Comment

Yesterday I declared it to be “Tell Me Something Good” day on my Facebook feed.

I must confess. It has been a while since I have posted on my blog. Honestly, I, like many others, have been discouraged by everything that is going on in the world around me. Every time I open my computer I am bombarded with media. Real news, fake news, liberal views, right wing views, and hate filled posts from individuals I never anticipated. I have snoozed more Facebook friends (liberal and conservative) than I can count right now because of their prejudiced, ill-thought out, memes and comments. I have been dismayed by the posts of some individuals whom I thought were Bible believing, loving, kind Christians, after reading their hate filled rhetoric. I took a break from writing anything lest I become one of those ranting individuals.

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God Loves the People You Hate

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

I was sitting in church when I glanced at the row behind me. I noticed a woman wearing a t-shirt that said “God loves the people you hate.” I have to confess, I was pretty distracted during the rest of the service thinking about the saying on that shirt. In reality it is hard to love the people we “hate” or “dislike” or “find irritating.” But if I have learned anything in studying Scripture, it is that Jesus wants us to love the unlovable. Continue reading →