Resilient or Defeated

re·sil·ience/rəˈzilyəns

  1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. “the often remarkable resilience of so many British institutions”

Today I was reading through the book Successful Women Think Differently by Valorie Burton. I sincerely wish I had been able to read a book like this when I was in my twenties (which is way further back than I like!). The chapter I read today was on resilience. As I read through the chapter I realized that resiliency is one key thing that makes all the difference in the world for people who have faced adversity.

Burton defines resilience as “the ability to bounce back from setbacks.” She further notes that “resilient people thrive and grow in the face of adversity, challenges and change.”1

While I was in the Ozarks I noticed that throughout the rocky ground, there was life. Bushes, trees and even weeds managed to thrive and grow despite their less than ideal environment.

I thought about that and realized that I have needed to be resilient my whole life. From at least 20 moves in my lifetime (I do not remember the ones before I was 5), to losing my husband, I have needed to practice resiliency. If you would have asked me at the time if I was resilient, I may have said no, but looking back I realize that I really did learn to grow and change during those times.

I think about all of the individuals I read about in the Bible who recovered from adversity and showed resiliency in the their lives. There are so many it is difficult to just chose a few. I am not sure how I would have reacted to being thrown in a pit or put in a fiery furnace.

Joseph showed resilience when he was sold by his brothers, accused by his master’s wife, and languishing in prison. He eventually rose to a prominent position and was able to assist his family during a time of famine. Moses came back from the act of murdering an Egyptian taskmaster and running away to the wilderness, to lead the nation of Israel to freedom from enslavement. Ruth showed resilience after losing her husband when she followed her mother-in-law to a new land. Esther showed resilience when she was chosen for the kings harem and eventually was chosen to be queen and risked her life by going before the king and pleading for the lives of the Jewish people.

All of the apostles showed resiliency after the death and resurrection of Jesus. They all faced difficult circumstances when they preached the gospel, but the continued on even until their death. Paul showed resiliency when he had an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus and turned his life in an entirely new direction.

I think about all of the people I know who have shown resiliency in the face of adversity and trials. When I think of resiliency I think of one of my sisters who has faced the death of a child, the serious illness of a spouse, her own rare illness and the death of two of her grandchildren and more. Every time she comes back stronger and wiser, determined to learn from the trials in her life and become a better person. Not only that but she has undertaken the challenge of writing a book about grief (I cannot wait to see a final copy!). I have known people who lost loved ones, lost their homes, lost their jobs and still they weather their crises with fortitude and determine to learn from their challenges.

But then I have noticed individuals who seem to be stuck in their grief and bitterness and cannot move beyond the horrific things that happened to them. They deal with depression, negativity, and angst most of their lives when they do not have the resiliency to move forward. They fail to realize that cultivating resiliency can help them have a better life.

Frequently it is difficult to make the determination to move on in life. It is easier to wallow in grief or depression and not take the steps needed to make the resolution to learn from experience and move forward. The things that have helped me overcome the tough times are encouragement from family and friends, focusing on the positive instead of the negative, and most of all, relying on God to be my source of comfort and my guide.

Where do you go when the hard times strike? Do you immediately become gloom and doom or do you face your trials with an attitude of positivity and hope? Do you draw on the resources of family and friends? And most of all, do you look to the God who is the source of comfort during times of trouble?

Resiliency is a key to living a happier and more productive life. Are you living a life that is resilient or defeated? Only you can make the choice.

1Successful Women Think Differently by Valorie Burton. Published by Harvest House

©Linda DeLay Wallace 2021

Worth Something

Recently I ran across a quote that said, “Every kid needs adults who love them in a way that convinces them they are worth something.” I have to admit there was something about that statement that resonated profoundly within me. As I thought about it over the next few days, I had to dig deep to see why it struck such a cord with me.

photo by Gean Montoya on Unsplash

Without going into a ton of detail and lots of history, I realized that one of the reasons it resonated so strongly with me is because I struggled with my own worth as I grew up. Having a mom who was a perfectionist taught me all kinds of things about doing stuff right, but it also placed a lot of unrealistic expectations on me as a child. I always felt no matter what I did, it was never enough. That really did influence my feeling (or lack) of self-worth. To this day, I still struggle with believing I am worth something.

Continue reading

God Cares About Justice

I have been trying to write this blog post for two weeks and yet, here I am, still struggling with what to say. When I saw the news about Ahmad Arbery being shot by two prejudiced vigilantes, I cringed and was heartbroken. When I saw the video of George Floyd as a policeman kneeled on his neck and indifferently snuffed out his life for the world to see, I was appalled and heartbroken. When I watched as a delivery driver was trying to leave after a delivery and got blocked because of the color of his skin, I cheered him on for videoing the encounter, but was heartbroken because I know that when he finally left and had time to breathe, he probably broke down and cried. Continue reading

The God Who Sees

This morning I listened to a song my friend had posted online and it reminded me that sometimes we women really do struggle with who we are and our circumstances. This is especially true right now during this COVID-19 outbreak and social isolation. Today I looked at some women in the Bible who seemed to reach the end of their rope as they faced trials and struggles. Let’s take a look at some of them.

She was a handmaiden, given to her master by his wife and finally felt of some worth. But then when she became pregnant, she was despised by her master’s wife, treated cruelly, and ran away to wander in the desert. Alone and afraid she wondered what would become of her and her unborn child. Did anyone really care? Continue reading

Choosing Joy

jux·ta·po·si·tion

–the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect. “the juxtaposition of these two images”

This morning was a perfect example of this word. As I opened my computer, I was reminded that today is the day for our annual writer’s retreat—something we look forward to for an entire year. My writer’s group is a group of six core women who have been together for years now. Sometimes we are joined by others, but mostly it is the core group who come together.

We write all day (or all night, depending on your proclivity) and only come together for an evening meal. It is during that time that we share our successes or our frustrations, our plot lines, our hopes and our dreams. We write blogs, books, devotions, and even quilting patterns. We set our BHAG (big, hairy, audacious goals) and smaller goals for the week. Continue reading

What Lies Beneath

Over Thanksgiving I ventured to Dallas to see my son and his family and my car was rear ended as I was sitting at a stop light waiting for the green light. I was hit hard enough to hit my head against the head rest rather forcefully, but when I got out and looked at the bumper of my car I was pleasantly surprised that it did not seem so bad. The car that hit me did not fare quite as well and had to be towed because the radiator was rapidly losing coolant.

On Monday I took my car to the repair shop anticipating being able to pick it up in a few days. Today I called and was dismayed to hear that there was way more damage to the car than initially estimated. When they took the bumper cover off, the damage was easily seen. I knew the trunk had big gaps on both sides, but the trunk and the steel body on both back panels had significant bends in them. So I wait while the insurance adjuster comes to take a look at the final damage and negotiates a new price for the repairs.

After I hung up from talking with the owner of the body shop, I thought how much like life this incident was. Sometimes we do not recognize the untreated wounds that are lying beneath the outside facade, until we peel back the protective layers we have used. Continue reading

Welcome Home

October  27 is a bittersweet day for me. It is a day that leaves me kind of weepy, sad, and nostalgic all at the same time. It is also a day that reminds me of the joy of having Christ as my Savior and the hope of heaven. Eight years ago today my husband of 28 years woke up in a glorious new place, and sometimes I envy him for getting to experience what I long for someday. Then five years later to the day, and almost to the same minute, my Mom silently drew her last breath and was welcomed into heaven.

Tom & LindaI miss them both, and selfishly, I would love to still have them here by my side. But the reality is that life goes on without them. I have had bad days and good days, but the good ones outnumber the bad ones. I have learned I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I have grown a little wiser and I have learned some lessons about life.

Here are some of the lessons I learned: Continue reading

Four Things I Learned from Failure*

youre-fired-300x241When my husband and I were dating  and just getting to know one another, we shared about the various jobs we had in our past.  My husband told me that he was fired from his very first job.  He thought everyone should be fired at least once in their life because you learn many lessons from it.

This past week I had a conversation with someone who is graduating from college soon.  She is anxious about stepping out into a new world and having to make it on her own.  Her biggest question to me was, “What if I fail?”  My reply was, “What if you do? Most people fail at something.  It’s how you handle failure that’s important.”  Failure happens to most of us at one time or another and in our culture we consider failure as something to be avoided at all cost.

My contention is that we need failure in our lives occasionally.  It is through failure that we learn. When a baby is learning to walk she doesn’t automatically take off.  She fails a few times first.  She takes a step and falls down, but as she learns to take the next steps she figures out what works and what doesn’t.  She may learn so well that she may eventually even learn to run.

There are many things we can learn from our failures, but here are four key things I have learned from mine.

  1. Humility

Sometimes we fail because we are unwilling to listen and learn from others.  I have seen this play out on multiple occasions.  It is pretty humbling when we fail, especially if we have neglected to let the wisdom of others guide us.  I have to tell you, I have “eaten crow” on more than one occasion.  But if we learn humility we are far more likely to succeed in our endeavors.

  1. Perseverance

When I was learning to drive, I was ready to quit after my first time behind the wheel.  It was a disaster.  But with encouragement from my instructor, I persevered and eventually was able to drive on my own.

Henry Ford said, “Perseverance is a positive attribute we need to learn as we mature. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Sometimes we initially fail in our attempts, but with practice can succeed. The saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” is apt for most of us.

  1. Adaptation

Sometimes we experience a huge failure, such as a failed marriage, a failed career, or any other of a myriad of things.  But we learn that even though we fail, our life goes forward.  We may experience the pain of failure for a while, but to survive we must make adjustments and adapt to our new environment.  Individuals who have learned to adapt to new circumstances thrive more quickly than those who can’t get past their moment of failure.

  1. Courage

Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”  It takes courage to get back on our feet after a failure.  When we can get up and try again, we grow stronger.

Peter had a colossal failure when he denied Christ three times prior to Christ’s crucifixion (John 18:15-27).  Yet he grew to be a key figure in helping spread the gospel in the world around him.  While the source of his courage was the Lord, the fact is that his failure taught him a valuable lesson about faithfulness.

There is no doubt that I have failed many times in my life.  And, to be perfectly honest, there will probably be times in the future that I also fail.  But I can’t let my failures define who I am and what I do.  When I fail, I try to put everything in the proper perspective, learn from my failure, and find the courage to move on.

How do you handle failure in your life?  Do you let it define who you are?  Do you become so bogged down by failure that you can’t move forward in your life?  When we put our failures in God’s hands, it’s amazing what He can do with us.  I want to be like Peter, who after a huge failure, regrouped and let God use Him in mighty ways.  What about you?

*This article was originally published on August 30, 2011 on my cwrn blog.

 

Heartaches and Hope

If you have lived any time at all, you already know that in this life bad things happen.  No matter who you are, or where you live, or what you do, at some point pain and heartache will touch your life. Whether you are rich or poor, young or old, male or female, you are not exempt from this thing we call life.

sorrow 1Sometimes days are just hard. The heartache that comes seems unbearable. Continue reading