I realized that I have not written a blog for a while. In all honesty, I have been in a funk lately and I sometimes wonder why I have started this journey of writing. Do I really have anything to say that my readers have not heard a hundred times before? I frequently ask myself, what am I doing here? Sometimes doubts plague me and Satan shouts at me, “You are not good enough for this.”
I am going to be vulnerable here and share my doubts. When I struggle to sit and write another page in my book, I think maybe I am not creative enough and my characters are not real enough and my plot is not developed enough. I am not good enough to do this.
When I write about the hurts that my main character has had in her life, I remember hurts I have had in mine. And I think–I can’t do this God. I cannot revisit the pain that I hid for years. But I cannot reveal my character’s pain without acknowledging my own. And my past sometimes shouts at me that I am flawed and not good enough.
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Today I was contemplating what makes a person truly successful. How do we measure it? How do we know when someone achieves it? How do we even define it?
For some individuals success is defined by reaching the pinnacle of power, for others it is defined in hearing applause for a job well done, for the career person it may be defined by successfully climbing the corporate ladder. Each person identifies their own interpretation of success, and it is based on their cultural values, moral values, and personal goals. Continue reading →
Sometimes I struggle in life with the futility of being enough. I want to stop being “ordinary” and do something special with my life. You may know what I mean. I think if I am just a better person, or if I work just a little harder, or if I do just a little more, or if I am just a little smarter–I can be loved more, recognized more, rewarded more, respected more . . . and, you get the picture. In all honesty, that kind of thinking is futile and leads to discouragement and disappointment. Because I am searching for significance in the wrong things and the wrong people.
That’s why I love God’s grace. Continue reading →