In June of 2011, I wrote the following blog post. I cannot help but look back and see how faithful God has been in my life—time and time again. Not only did he enable me to find a job and sell my money pit of a house, but through my mom, a way was provided to build a villa that more than meets my needs. I did, indeed, need to use some of my IRA to live off of for the three years it took me to find a full-time job after my husband died. But I truly can look back to this difficult time and know that God was present every step of the way.
I am still weak in many ways. But it is in that weakness that God does his best work. It is in that weakness that I see God the most as he works in my life. So if you are struggling, keep holding on tight to God, because he can do his best work when you are at your weakest.
Last night I poured out my woes to my sister and a friend, giving in to the discouragement that hit me squarely in the heart last evening. As I looked at the fact that I didn’t have a full-time job since June of 2009, lost my husband in October of 2009, have a house that needs some major repairs, and have expenses that far exceed my small income, I gave in to my woes and worry. Until this point in the journey, I have stayed fairly upbeat and positive, relying on God to see me through. I confess, I am weak.
Do you ever have times in your life when you wonder if you can just go on? Is it hard to get up and face the day with a positive attitude? Do you think . . . if I just had more time, or more money, or more of whatever it is that you need? It is easy to give in to doubt and discouragement. And I confess, I am weak.
As I got online and looked at the zero balance in my checking account, I felt myself doubting. Will God really see me through? What will happen to me if I don’t find a full-time job soon? How will I keep paying the bills that exceed my income? How will I keep a roof over our heads? Will I need to cash my IRA and take a chance on not having retirement income? All these thoughts and more ran through my head and I became disheartened. I confess, I am weak.
And as always, and just when I need, God showed up in a marvelous way. I am studying the book of Hebrews and today, I came to chapter 11–just what I needed to hear. This is the famous faith chapter in Hebrews, outlining those of the faith who have gone before. As I read this chapter I was once again reminded of the value of a faith in a God who delivers time and again. Whether it is from oppression (as with the Israelites leaving the nation of Egypt), or from sin (as in delivering the prostitute Rahab from death because she welcomed the spies), or from persecution, God has a reward for those who remain faithful to Him. It may not be seen while in this journey here on earth, but it will be in his glorious presence someday.
And so, my encouraging word for today is found in Hebrews 12:1-3, ” Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with the perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. “
I confess I am weak– and weary and have lost heart, but God, through His Word, has encouraged me and reminded me to remain faithful. I don’t know where my next dollar will come from or how my next bill will be paid, but when I look back on this journey so far, God has been faithful and met all my needs. I just needed to be reminded of that.
I don’t know where God is leading and what he has in store for me. I confess. I am weak. But I know in my weakness, he shows HIS strength and I will take joy and comfort in that thought today.