burdens, sorrow, pain, hope, come as you are

When the News Is Good or Bad

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 2 Comments

Yesterday was an emotionally challenging day for me. As I woke up anxiety surrounded me. My heart beat faster, my thoughts raced, and even though I kept telling myself, “God has you in his hands” my anxiety level soared.

Then I got on Facebook. And guess what? God even uses Facebook posts to send me reassurance that he loves me and cares about my challenges. First, I read some scripture someone posted about God’s presence. Then a friend of mine posted a skit. The skit was about the very issue I was facing and even more amazing, one of the key players, Mrs. Linda, shared my name.

Then one of my friends posted a podcast where her husband was the keynote speaker for a fundraising event at a hospital. He related his journey and how God put him in the path of people who were just what he needed. He shared how God was with him every step of the way.

After hearing his story, I bowed my head and prayed, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I asked God to reassure me that no matter what the outcome of this visit, I would use it to glorify him and share his blessings with others. I surrendered my heart (which I seem to find myself needing to do on a frequent basis) and my health to God during that conversation. I had a sense of peace and knew that God’s presence was surrounding me. My anxious heart was beating normally and my thoughts focused more on God, who knows my every need and loves me with a great depth of love. God got my attention and reassured me that all my cares could be cast on him.

My daughter picked me up and as we drove to the doctor’s office, I sensed God’s presence with me even as we discussed the possible scenarios that may be before me. As I talked with her, I replayed in my mind the months that had led up to this day, including the hospitalization that resulted in a CT scan of the abdomen, which surprisingly showed a spot on the left lower lobe in my lung. This was followed by a regular CT scan a couple of weeks later, and then a wait of a month just in case it was an infection that needed to clear up. Then another CT scan with contrast followed. Then came the recommended PET scan. The PET scan came back with some red highlights.

By this time, a lot of options had been discussed and my doctor felt strongly that I needed a biopsy done. As he discussed the one-inch mass with irregular borders, I followed along in my mind. I knew he was convinced it was the dreaded word–CANCER. By this time it was a primary concern for me also. Because of the location, my only option was to have needle biopsy. The radiologist, too, felt we were dealing with possible cancer. Lung cancer. I never smoked. How could this be happening?

As the day of the biopsy came, my sister (who is a nurse) accompanied me to the hospital. I survived the procedure despite my rising anxiety levels, and then the waiting began. In the scheme of things, five days is not long. But when you are waiting for what could be life-changing news, it seems like forever.

As my daughter and I waited for the doctor to enter the room, I actually felt much calmer than I thought I would be. It helped that my 3-month-old grandson was with us and we watched as he cooed and smiled. The doctor greeted us and then sat down at his desk. He pulled up my files and reassured me that he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing anything as he reviewed the results.

Then I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “It’s not cancer.” I could have danced around the desk and hugged him, but I managed to restrain myself. Even though I had given it to God and asked him to use me no matter what, I really was relieved that the “what” wasn’t cancer.

The doctor told me that he had been certain it was cancer and he was relieved to tell me it wasn’t. What I do have is treatable and in actuality, I had the same thing in 2015 (only then I was very sick with it). So I am extremely grateful that I have been down this road before and know how we need to proceed.

But I got to thinking about this. Would I still have praised God if it had been cancer? Would I still have had peace and put it all in his hands. I like to think I would. God is good (and he would have remained good even if it was cancer). He answered a lot of prayers that have been going up on my behalf. He led me on a journey that deepened my trust in him and made me treasure life even more.

I know there are some of you reading this who did not get the good news that it wasn’t cancer. You may be on a journey that is difficult and long. But in the midst of it all, God is there. He knows your burdens and trusting in him makes all the difference in the world. As my friend, Don Sigler, said when he had cancer, “I am in a win/win situation. I win if I overcome cancer, and I win if I die, because I will be with the Lord.” His win was to be with the Lord and cancer free forever.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” I pray that I will always know the joy of the Lord, even if it is in difficult circumstances because I am in a win/win situation.

Confessions of the Weak

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

In June of 2011, I wrote the following blog post. I cannot help but look back and see how faithful God has been in my life—time and time again. Not only did he enable me to find a job and sell my money pit of a house, but through my mom, a way was provided to build a villa that more than meets my needs. I did, indeed, need to use some of my IRA to live off of for the three years it took me to find a full-time job after my husband died. But I truly can look back to this difficult time and know that God was present every step of the way.

I am still weak in many ways. But it is in that weakness that God does his best work. It is in that weakness that I see God the most as he works in my life. So if you are struggling, keep holding on tight to God, because he can do his best work when you are at your weakest.

June 2011

Last night I poured out my woes to my sister and a friend, giving in to the discouragement that hit me squarely in the heart last evening. As I looked at the fact that I didn’t have a full-time job since June of 2009, lost my husband in October of 2009, have a house that needs some major repairs, and have expenses that far exceed my small income, I gave in to my woes and worry.  Until this point in the journey, I have stayed fairly upbeat and positive, relying on God to see me through.  I confess, I am weak.

Do you ever have times in your life when you wonder if you can just go on?  Is it hard to get up and face the day with a positive attitude?  Do you think . . . if I just had more time, or more money, or more of whatever it is that you need?  It is easy to give in to doubt and discouragement.  And I confess, I am weak.

As I got online and looked at the zero balance in my checking account, I felt myself doubting.  Will God really see me through?  What will happen to me if I don’t find a full-time job soon?  How will I keep paying the bills that exceed my income? How will I keep a roof over our heads?  Will I need to cash my IRA and take a chance on not having retirement income?  All these thoughts and more ran through my head and I became disheartened. I confess, I am weak.

And as always, and just when I need, God showed up in a marvelous way.  I am studying the book of Hebrews and today, I came to chapter 11–just what I needed to hear.  This is the famous faith chapter in Hebrews, outlining those of the faith who have gone before. As I read this chapter I was once again reminded of the value of a faith in a God who delivers time and again.  Whether it is from oppression (as with the Israelites leaving the nation of Egypt), or from sin (as in delivering the prostitute Rahab from death because she welcomed the spies), or from persecution, God has a reward for those who remain faithful to Him.  It may not be seen while in this journey here on earth, but it will be in his glorious presence someday.

And so, my encouraging word for today is found in Hebrews 12:1-3, ” Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with the perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. “

I confess I am weak– and weary and have lost heart, but God, through His Word, has encouraged me and reminded me to remain faithful.  I don’t know where my next dollar will come from or how my next bill will be paid, but when I look back on this journey so far, God has been faithful and met all my needs.  I just needed to be reminded of that.

I don’t know where God is leading and what he has in store for me.  I confess. I am weak. But I know in my weakness, he shows HIS strength and I will take joy and comfort in that thought today.

No Easy Answer

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

As with many others, I am shocked and saddened for the people of Uvalde, Texas–a place I had never heard of before Tuesday. There are no words that are adequate to help the wounded hearts in that town. I wrote a post of May 25, 2009 that expresses a lot of how I feel. Just a few months after the original post, my husband passed away unexpectedly and I was left with lots of questions and no easy answers. But love certainly helped me recover and take one step in front of another while grieving.

Photo by Claudia Wolff on Unsplash

I could easily talk about all the reasons I think this happened–none of which make sense in light of the carnage–or all the things we need to do in the United States to keep this from happening again. But I will not in this post. The fact is there are no easy answers for the wounded right now.

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Five Things to Remember When Life Becomes Overwhelming

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

One of my friends shared on facebook that she is really struggling with all the things that life is throwing at her right now. Unfortunately, I think we can ALL identify with that feeling of being overwhelmed on occasion! Women, who tend to be fixers, sometimes have difficulty admitting they need help when life becomes overwhelming for them. So how do we learn to swallow our pride and ask for help? How do we let our friends and family know that we have reached a point where we are ready to scream, or cry, or just hide, until we can face life with equanimity again?

Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

For those of you who find yourself in this circumstance, here are five things I’ve found helpful.

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The Alabaster Jar

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

Recently in my morning reading I arrived to Luke 7: 36-50. Before you read the rest of what I write, I would like you to read this passage (below). There is much speculation as to the identity of the woman. Some say it was Mary Magdalene, but any other time in Scripture where Mary Magdalene was involved, her name was given. It was speculated that it was Mary, the sister of Lazarus. Indeed, we do read in Matthew 26 of a woman anointing Jesus with costly oil while he was in Bethany and it is likely that it was Mary. But in this passage, the woman is not named, just her reputation was what defined her.

Here is a woman who has learned that Jesus would be at Simon’s house. I have to wonder, was she part of one of the crowds that listened to Jesus’ teaching? Did she stand at the back of the crowd, with her face mostly hidden, so that she could hear this man of whom she had heard so many tales? Did she know someone who had been healed by him or had she just heard the rumors and stories that were floating around? Whatever it was, it was obvious that Jesus’ words and actions had deeply touched her life.

The imagery of this woman standing behind the feet of Jesus while he is reclining at the table is powerful. She wets his feet with her copious tears and then wipes them with her hair. Not only does she wipe his feet with her hair, afterwards, she pours very expensive perfume on them. In many ways, the sheer magnitude of what she did is amazing.

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Finding Joy in the Chaos, Part 1

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

If most of you are like me, the last two years have been frustrating. Covid has changed our world and stress levels are at an all-time high. Our lives are nothing like we envisioned them. I retired when Covid-19 hit such high numbers in 2020.

My expectations for retirement were drastically changed. My bucket list hit the trash can. There would be no road trips to see family and long-time friends, no cruises, and no extra vacations. Suddenly instead of the retirement I envisioned, I was left with the fall-out of Covid and it was hard to find joy in my life.

The fact is that many of the women I talk with are struggling to find joy in their lives amidst the chaos right now. They are tired and worn out. They are juggling their lives, trying to be everything to everyone. You are not alone if you are struggling.

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A Day of Disappointments

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / 1 Comment
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

Recently I had one of those days. You know the kind. The kind where nothing has gone the way you planned–where because of Covid, you had to cancel an activity you were looking forward to, where something broke and you need to decide if you will replace it or fix it, where a friend found out they had cancer. Those are the kind of days a lot of people experience.

My list of disappointments can go on and on. However this is the thing–all of us can find all kinds of things to be disappointed about in life. And dwelling on our disappointments just magnifies feelings of anger, frustration, worthlessness, and bitterness.

The good news is that life’s disappointments do not define us and cannot defeat us if we hold strong to some tools for overcoming disappointments. One of my favorite verses is found in Philippians 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

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Resilient or Defeated

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

re·sil·ience/rəˈzilyəns

  1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. “the often remarkable resilience of so many British institutions”

Today I was reading through the book Successful Women Think Differently by Valorie Burton. I sincerely wish I had been able to read a book like this when I was in my twenties (which is way further back than I like!). The chapter I read today was on resilience. As I read through the chapter I realized that resiliency is one key thing that makes all the difference in the world for people who have faced adversity.

Burton defines resilience as “the ability to bounce back from setbacks.” She further notes that “resilient people thrive and grow in the face of adversity, challenges and change.”1

While I was in the Ozarks I noticed that throughout the rocky ground, there was life. Bushes, trees and even weeds managed to thrive and grow despite their less than ideal environment.

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You of All People

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

Today I was reading a scripture that leaped out at me in a way it never had before. Maybe it is because I have been reading a lot of headlines, twitter feeds, and Facebook posts. Maybe it is just that I am tired, both mentally and physically.  Or maybe it was because God was speaking to me through His word, like He never fails to do.

I can imagine God looking down on us from the Heavenly throne, with a heart that is heavy. I can imagine Jesus Christ, shaking His head and weeping copious tears for His church, His bride, His body. We Americans who call ourselves Christian are losing our way and becoming more and more like the people he came to set free. We are becoming legalistic, self-righteous, political, and judgmental.

Before you start calling me out, please understand that I do realize there are Christians out there who love and serve Jesus with all of their heart. I hear their voices and see their acts of service and their love for God. I know there are Christ followers out there who have compassion for the unlovable, the poor, the orphans, and the widows. There are servants who speak the truth of God and live it out daily.

But what I see a whole lot more of is people like me. Continue reading →

Come as You Are

/ Linda DeLay Wallace / Leave a comment

This morning as I was pondering so many of the difficulties my friend’s are having, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness as I realized all of the needs out there. The diagnosis of breast cancer, the possibility of losing a spouse, the challenges of being a parent, the ravages of grief, the unanswered questions of why God does not answer prayers the way we think should happen–all of these issues came at me like a starship in hyper drive. Life can become overwhelming at times, and even as Christians who know we should put our trust in God, we sometimes become shaky in our faith.

Life is frequently hard–even for those who put their faith and trust in God. I love Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:28-30 and often cling to them when my life seems to be in chaos (which is more frequently than I like to admit!). Continue reading →